Easy Does It
Over the last week I’ve noticed that I’ve been holding on too tight.
Every waking moment I was thinking about my book. I was getting obsessive. Although I was ticking all the boxes on the ‘man/dad/husband’ to-do list by taking care of Ethan at the weekends whilst Naomi worked, working myself as usual, making dinners, breakfasts and taking the wee man out to parks and doing fun stuff, my mind was elsewhere.
What made it worse was that I was getting irritable. I was counting the minutes until I could get back to writing and cursing the minutes I couldn’t.
Simply put, I was not present with my family.
My Dad has always said that the best thing you can give a child is your time. ‘That’s all they want.’ He said. I suppose everything else comes after that. But, and here’s the thing that we all know, time is the only commodity that we don’t get back. And there is another catch. There is no point in spending that precious time with your family if you are not present.
When Naomi and I first started dating she used to call me Instant Grat Gav. (Instant Gratification Gav). I was all about knocking every laugh, beer and good time out of every minute. Gavin was pretty expensive back then. Recently I have been the polar opposite. Everything has been about the future, mapping out the next few years and figuring how to get there. I’m missing out on the now.
So I decided to take a different approach. I let go.
I turned my attention back to my family and the things I enjoy in life. Simple pleasures. I consciously practiced that piece of advice my Dad had given me by not taking it as lightly as I had before. I was deliberate in my approach. I laid off writing the book and stopped my obsessing, I was present with Ethan 100% of the time and instead of writing my book I read three novels. I lightened the fuck up.
I had backed off and instantly I became far happier. There was a slight but noticeable difference with Ethan too. We laughed together more, he interacted with me more and he we were both less whingey. And I also had a small revelation concerning my book. I had previously feared letting up on my progress but instead, as I released my vice-like grip I was rewarded.
So with that being said, and after having gone out for dinner with my family, I’m going to write more of my book.